A Man’s Take on a “Gentleman’s” Take

An article titled “A Gentleman’s Take On Why Women Should Never Settle For Less Than They Deserve” showed up in my Facebook feed today.  I don’t know what is more funny/sad; the article itself or the commentary it is accumulating.  Go read it for yourself ladies and see what it makes you feel.  Guys go and read it too and ask yourself if you downloadwant this man around your wife, sister, daughter, grandmother…any female you actually love and respect.  Does this sound like a gentleman?  The author obviously believes he is a gentleman, many of the commenters agree, both male and female, and over 27k people shared it so far.  Why is this getting so much traction?  This article’s take on women is so demeaning as to be a bad joke; a parody I’d expect out of Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake.  The author unknowingly illustrates his own point.  The reason so many women lower their standards is that the standard is so low that he can seriously pass off patronizing womanization as gentlemanly!

Earlier this week I wrote an article about the effect of more and more men using pornography.  Ultimately that effect is the objectification of women; reducing women to things rather than beings.  A Gentleman’s Take shows you the result of a porn saturated male mentality.  Not that the author himself is a porn user, I have no idea about that, but he writes from a culture where porn has dumbed down both men and women to the point where a man can assign himself not only the title of gentleman, but can purport to speak for all gentlemen on a web site that calls itself “The Voice of Generation Y,” in an article so silly, immature, and condescending as to be written by a horny 13 year old boy in any high school freshman english class.  The picture accompanying the article itself contains specifically pornographic elements intended to do what porn does; titillate and attract.  And the content reveals that gentlemen read poetry, roll their r’s, and like to get a few vodkas into a woman before they gently and oh-so-politely invite her into their bedroom (which is probably in his parent’s basement).  Evidently gentlemen are not very humble because other men are just “losers” who are “not worth the squeeze.”  The author ends by suggesting that women go out there and find a hopeless romantic (like him) because they are men not boys.

To the porn saturated mind, women are primarily objects of desire.  Men and women alike adjust to this reality.  Men maneuver to obtain the object and women maneuver to become more desirable.  Men who lack one tool to obtain their desired objects will find others.  The same with women.  The interplay between the sexes has always operated like this to one extent or another, but porn amplifies it by making sexual satisfaction of desire so readily images (1)obtainable that men can get whatever they want out of a digital woman without opening a door, buying a dinner, or meeting her mother.  Women are competing with cheap digital hookers for the attention of men.  This is how an article written by an obvious womanizer gets widespread acceptance.

How can we all, men and women, escape the lowering standards?  Go on a war against pornography?  Root it out of popular culture?  Men need to become men and women need to become women, not within the confines of a romantic relationship, but before the eyes of God.  Kierkegaard said there was only one “sin unto death” – one sin that would kill us as dead as dead can be – and that it was trying to become a self outside the presence of God.  Ladies, if you try to become your self merely in the presence of a man, even the best man, a true gentleman, you will never be all you were meant to be.  Your standard is too low.  Gentlemen, if you try to shape your self in a way that makes you acceptable to a woman, even the most lovely and worthy lady, you will not become all you were meant to be.  Your standard is too low.  God’s opinion of us is so high that every other opinion is not only a low opinion, it is a life-stealing opinion; it is death unless it is taken in relation to his opinion.  Don’t think so?  Try consoling your daughter when the boy she is dating decides someone else is better than she is.  Watch her wither.  What will you do for her?  Tell her another boy will come along?  His opinion will restore her to life?  For how long?  The best boy may grow into a man and give his whole life to her, but there is a helping-handsday coming when sweet lips cease to speak and a gentleman’s touch is cooled by death.  And that opinion is forever lost.  She must have a higher opinion and truer opinion, a permanent opinion.  There is only one man who gives this and gave it and promises to keep giving it.  The gospel is God’s opinion of us.  It is the promise not to hold us to a higher standard, but to lift us to an impossible standard.  This is the answer to our pornographically broken world; to accept his elevation.

“And now, with God’s help, I shall become myself.” – Soren Kierkegaard

Get In Line

RELEASED - MCC Johnny Bivera, N00PH, CNO PAO Credit as U.S. Navy photo by Johnny BiveraMy memories of boot camp are mostly those of being in a great hurry to get somewhere so I could stand in line.  Lines came to dominate my life.  I stood in line to get my hair cut off.  I stood in line to get clothes.  I stood in line to get shots in both arms at once.  I stood in line to jump in a pool.  When I wasn’t standing in line, I walked in line.  They called this “marching.”  The military REALLY wanted us to stay in line.  Most of the places we hurried to had yellow or white stripped lines on the ground showing us exactly where our line was to form.  Some new boots couldn’t get this right.  They did not understand that the line was the thing.  They marched outside the lines or stood half in and half out of line.  When they did this enough times, the company commander sent them to Positive Motivation or PosMo, where they received after-hours extra instruction about how to stand in line and run in line and do push ups in a line.  PosMo helped.  No one wanted to go back there a second time.  We all found the line and stayed on it or in it or moving along with it.  And it was easier when all of us knew what the line was and how we related to it.  Lines are unpopular, but imagine there are no lines.  Imagine driving.  Imagine checking out of a store.  Imagine going to a ball game.  Imagine a playing field.  No lines.  How do you know where to go?  How do you know where to stand?  How do you know when a goal is reached?  Many imagine they are liberated by erasing lines from the past or from religion or culture.  Watch them carefully, though, because none of them will live without lines.  They will establish new lines.  Lines they draw themselves.  And when they do you can bet they will tell you and I to get in line with their lines.  Question them.  Who gave you the authority to draw a new line?  Who gave you the authority to erase the old line?  What makes your line better?  We are going to live with lines.  We need them.  Beware though.  The right lines are freedom and life and order and blessing.  The wrong lines will criss cross and move until they become a jail cell.